Everything we have discussed so far regarding expectations certainly applies to our children. They are broken and sinful human being, just like you and I, and they need the same amount of grace and patience as everyone else. However, there are additional things to keep in mind with these little ones.
Children do not understand right and wrong the same way mature people do. And I am using the word "mature" carefully here, because there are some grown-ups that do not understand this very well either, but that is a different post.
Similarly, they do not have the same capacity for though, understanding, memory, forethought as we do, so we need to keep this in mind during our day to day interactions with them.
It is a running joke in my house that I need to learn how to deal with children. My wife is extremely gifted in this area; I am not. A few months after we were first married, we were keeping my newly "acquired" three year old nephew with us for the weekend. After telling him repeatedly to not play around the house in the way he was, I got frustrated and decided to have a "teaching moment" with him. So, I sat him down and proceeded to ask him, with the full expectation to get an answer from him, "why he was choosing to behave this way." I actually sat him down and asked him that, verbatim.
The child looked at me as if I were from a different planet. He had no idea what I was talking about. My wife busted out laughing at me!!! The truth is that the child did not have the capacity to remember that I had told him not to do what he was doing. He might focus on other things for a few minutes, but after a while he would come back to the item of interest. This is natural, children of that age have a short attention span and need constant repetition in order to learn a specific behavior.
On the same note, children do not understand the concept of danger. They do not know that cars or electricity can kill them. They do not even know what death is. They have no concept of cost, or value, or money.
It is important to understand their capacity so, when they do something that frightens or frustrates us, we can respond to the situation out of our understanding, instead of personalizing their actions as disobedience, neglect, carelessness, etc., and reacting in anger.
Understanding their limitations and the developmental stages of children will allow you to set realistic expectations for your child. And it will also allow you to help them grow, learn, and discipline them in a more effective way. You will be able to interpret what they do, or don't do, not as an act of rebellion, but as a natural part of growing. Having realistic expectations will not also help you be a better parent and teacher, but it will also allow you to have a greater level of peace in your daily interaction with them.
When raising children, it is also important to take into consideration their personalities, strengths, and weaknesses in order to set realistic expectations for them. Every child is different, so the expectation you set for each child should be different as well.
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