Wants, Expectations, and Strife, Part 1

What do you expect out of Life?

I find myself getting upset over  every little thing that does not go my way. This is a problem to me because,  as the bible says, it is "the little foxes that spoil the vineyard".  This little foxes being the anger and frustration that continually poisons  my days and my relationships.

I find myself expecting perfection  from myself and others, which creates a lot of frustration because this,  obviously, never works out. Let me be clear, this is not a logical expectation.  I do not wake up in the morning and decide that my day is going to be perfect  and everyone will perform and behave perfectly. Logically, I know that  this life and this world are imperfect, but emotionally I do not.

At an emotional level, I find myself  frustrated when things, events, others, or myself do not work out or perform the way  I envisioned them. Even though I do not think that perfection is possible,  I certainly do expect it. This is what I call an emotional habit. I believe  people in the psychological world may call this the "subconscious", or "automatic  thoughts."

"What causes quarrels and  what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at  war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and  cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do  not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend  it on your passions." James 4:1-3, ESV

And how many of our friendships,  marriages, churches, offices, etc, are plagued by this quarreling and fighting  that James is talking about? What examples are we setting for the lost  world out there? Are we showing the kind of love that Jesus showed to the  lost? Why or why not? Is it, maybe, that we are living selfish lives, and  this selfishness makes us angry and bitter people?

I must admit that if I were on  the outside looking in, I would not be attracted by what can be observed  in a lot of churches nowadays. Christ is very appealing, the love that  He expresses is definitely attractive, but His Christians (myself included)  and the love they express are a different matter. Why is the difference  between us and our Christ so vast?

Can it be because we are more focused  on ourselves and our "wants" than Him?

Unselfishness, Part 2

"And he answered them, "Whoever has two tunics is to share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise." Luke 3:11, ESV

Note that in the story above, we are commanded to give to our neighbor out of our abundance, not in spite of our lack. Jesus did not tell us that, if we see someone lacking, we should provide for them despite how much it might hurt us. Having said that, it is also worth noting that, if we do come across someone who has a need that we can not meet, we need to do our best to use our resources and help them in fulfilling that need, not just ignore them and leave them to fend for themselves.

To keep the balance, it would be wise to talk about the concept of welfare. I understand that there are some individuals that genuinely need the welfare system because they can not provide for themselves. However, more and more people are taking advantage of the welfare system without any real need. They are living lazy lives and hurting those who truly need the system to survive. In part, that is the system's fault. The church is not to be a welfare system. The church is here to help those in genuine need, not the lazy.

"...If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living." 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12, ESV

I like the term unselfishness better than selflessness. It seems to imply this balance between the needs of others and the needs of self.

I want to challenge you today to look at your heart and identify those areas that are out of balance when it comes to selfishness or selflessness. Ask Him to teach you the right balance as you continue to draw closer to him in your daily walk.

Additional Scriptures: James 4:2-4, Proverbs 30:8-9

Unselfishness, Part 1

Once you have established your goals and priorities, it is important to inspect your attitude towards each of these areas of life. This is where the goals start coming into place. Over the next few posts we will be looking at how our goals help us in shaping and directing our growth and lives.

Before we do that, however, it is important to look at another aspect that is critical in balancing our lives. In many different places in scriptures we are admonish to focus on others rather than on ourselves. Selflessness has been stressed as a principal trait of the Christian's character. However, out of balance selflessness can become very destructive and dangerous.

On one hand, we are called to provide for our neighbors in need. We are challenged by stories such as the poor widow that shared her last meal with the prophet Elijah (1 King 17:8-16), or the rich young ruler to whom Jesus told that, in order to enter into His Kingdom, he needed to give away all his possessions and follow him (Mark 10:21). On the other hand, we are told that we need to be good stewards of what we are given, including our bodies, finances, and health.

There is a balance between focusing on others and focusing on self, and it all pivots on the attitudes of our hearts. If we focus too much on others, we will neglect the duties to our families and ourselves. If we focus too much on ourselves, we will become selfish and self-centered. Neither extreme shows the balance that we have been studying about so far.

We will continue discussing the balance between the needs of others and our own tomorrow.